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On Friday, Aug. 30, rock powerhouse group Tool will release their first album in 13 years, “Fear Inoculum.” As a superfan since the “AEnima” and “Undertow” days, today feels like the last 13 Christmas Eves all balled into one.

Someone in the Tool marketing department made a genius move to release Tool’s discography to streaming services like Spotify and Apple Music in early August in advance of the new album. Now, everyone is talking about Tool again.

But what’s a superfan to do? How are we supposed to digest this?

I have some ideas.

Call in sick

If you haven’t already scheduled a vacation day for Tool Day as I have, you might be in a tough spot. A Reddit thread suggests that the album should be available on Spotify (my streaming service of choice) at midnight EST. And this thing is long. The digital album is said to run 86+ minutes (hard-copy 79+).

That could leave you pretty tired and emotionally drained come the wee hours of the morning. If you find yourself in this spot, never lie to your boss, karma always comes back around. Just call in and say you need a mental health day. You know, the truth.

On Tool Day Eve …

The first song of the album, title-track “Fear Inoculum,” is already available on your favorite streaming service. Just listen to that on repeat.

A note to newbie Tool fans: A Tool song is never as good upon your first listen as it is on your 100th. If you don’t love it at first, keep at it, you need time to learn all the time signatures and nuances. You’ll love it soon enough. And the song is over 10 minutes long, so it’s plenty to digest while you wait.

Here it is (my cat really enjoys the opening high-pitch tones, perks him right up):

Headphones are key

I can’t say this enough. Tool – or any intricate or heavy music – is a completely different experience with a nice pair of headphones. Hell, any music surely is. To be honest, I didn’t fall in love with the new track until I listened to it with headphones while lying on the kitchen floor absorbing it.

Yes, I cried a little. The healing theme of the lyrics really struck home for me at a strange part of my life.

Volume is also key. The louder the better. But you already knew that. There are so many subtle noises in the background and reverberations in vocals that you might miss otherwise. We can worry about our eardrum health later. This is important.

Host a listening party

Yeah, sure, I guess you can ditch the headphones to bask in the moment with your fellow Tool-fan friends. Make some Balls of Satan (and no eggs!), drink some Caduceus wine from Arizona, hang up some strobe lights or something. Don’t forget your pen. You know what happens when you forget your pen.

What I’m doing is staying up ’til midnight and getting a nice, personal experience all to myself Thursday night/Friday morning. Then, Friday night, after the casual fans get off work, I’m having a small listening party. I should have my CD with the rechargeable video screen delivered to me by then for gawking. You should, too.

Don’t be a Tool

I heard earlier this week that the album leaked online. Don’t do it. They picked this date for a reason. Let’s honor it and listen to it together.

Happy Tooling. 

The “Fear Inoculum” hard-copy tracklist

1. Fear Inoculum

2. Pneuma

3. Invincible

4. Descending

5. Culling Voices

6. Chocolate Chip Trip

7. 7empest

Digital tracklist (according to Wikipedia)

1. “Fear Inoculum” 10:20

2. “Pneuma” 11:53

3. “Litanie contre la peur” (French for “Litany Against Fear”) 2:14

4. “Invincible” 12:44

5. “Legion Inoculant” 3:09

6. “Descending” 13:37

7. “Culling Voices” 10:05

8. “Chocolate Chip Trip” 4:48

9. “7empest” 15:43

10. “Mockingbeat” 2:05

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